I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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