OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
