Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have post one night stand depression
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
