omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
