How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
