If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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