She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
