1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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