I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
