if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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