Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
