Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
