Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
