is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
