based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i dont even know how to be here
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
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I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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