I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
