Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
