What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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