hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
