dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
