There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
