gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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