someone threw a dead crab at me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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