I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
