i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
