So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
