It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
