your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I want a musical about memes.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
