Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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