It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
