Can i not drive my cunt home
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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