Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
