hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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