every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
