I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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