you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
