Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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