i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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