tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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