am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
