There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
