Non-Jews are for practice
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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