if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
