I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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