i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
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He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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