youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
