are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Where is the hickey?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she peed on how many people?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
