I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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