Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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