I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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