We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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