Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
