I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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