I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
