so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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