nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
