Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
