now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
