I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
