So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
