i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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