she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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