I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
