I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
