I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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