you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
