i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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