I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
