I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize