FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
