i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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