my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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